Tuesday, November 5, 2013

50 Shades of the Complainist: Chapter 26

Holy crap. . . we made it to the end! My inner MFA student crosses rolls his eyes at me and goes back to reading the newest Lemony Snicket. 

Ana lets Christian spank her hard and then she dumps him.

The spanking part does actually get pretty rough, but if you're like me, you'll kind of want to read it anyway since it's the immediate lead-up to Ana dumping Christian, which is the best part of the whole terrible book. 

So. We did it. We reached the end. We read every chapter, and gave the thing more thought than even the book's own author. And you know--we learned some things. About life. About sex. About ourselves. 

Just kidding! This has been a total waste. Well. If you enjoyed reading any part of this, then great. It wasn't a total waste. But still. There are definitely better things I could be doing with myself, right? I kind of feel like there must be. Like, even sleeping. Just getting a little bit of extra sleep every week probably would've noticeably improved my health and happiness over these past months. But let's not get too caught up in that! Let's be so pleased with the fact that we're finally at the end! (Editor's note: Or, in another manner of thinking, 1/3 through the trilogy. But whatever.) 

This is still an accomplishment, sort of! I think I'm going to do nanowrimo this November, and now I'm like, boom! Easy. All I have to do is write out a dozen or so single-sentence chapter summaries on Nov. 1 and then crank out a chapter every other day. Boom. Zoom. Simple. I can write five-thousand words about this terrible, terrible book in a single evening. So why can't I write whatever? Maybe I can!

And that's what I was trying to do. Exercise my brain. Get it back into shape a little. So we'll see if I succeeded! And we'll see if anybody deigns to look at this blog between now and when I start posting about Fifty Shades of Grey: The Billionaire Spanks Back. Expect that for Christmas. Doesn't that kind of make sense? You got the whole family, all gathered around. Opening up presents. Talking about the new floggers Santa brought us or whatever. And then, firing up the old mean machine and reading the complainist. That is, to me, the perfect holiday! Merry Christmas, mutterblushers!

Oh right. Let's talk about the last chapter! I mean, if you want to. I already spoilered it but who cares. This blog isn't about the plot! It's about my zingers! Zing!